Wondering about whether you are in an unhealthy relationship? Let’s dive into an introductory self-assessment.
Ever been into a relationship, and all you are feeling is tired, exhausted, or “what the hell is going on?” You just might question 10 times a day, “Is my girlfriend crazy?” or “is this the guy I fell in love within the first place?” We often question our choices after a few months of a relationship, usually after the honeymoon phase is over. We do not see the person as the same cute entity who pulled chairs for us in restaurants and who looked extra sexy in that LBD (it’s called a little black dress, Google it for God’s sake). We suddenly come across this person who likes pineapples on pizza (gross!) or someone who thinks HIMYM is better than F.R.I.E.N.D.S (Like, seriously?!).
These might be warning signs in a new relationship, that nope, it’s not going to go down smooth. You might fight over small things like, “Why do you follow your ex on Instagram?” or “Why did you reply to me 2 minutes late?” You may feel like, “You know what? Tinder! Here I come.” Because all you want to do is get out of this nightmare which you have created.
You. Yes. You have created it. You, who have in-depth conversations over Facebook with your friends, say, “God, our relationship is not healthy anymore. “So, let me give you a reality check. These are NOT signs of unhealthy relationships.
This is what normal couples go through when they get comfortable around each other. The more time you spend with each other, you will be getting familiar with more unknown sides of your partner. It may seem new and exhausting because all we try to do during the initial days of a new relationship is put our best foot forward. We try to look good, make sure we do not say anything offensive, make sure not to portray our political beliefs, and, overall, create a complete façade of a personality that we are actually not. Rather, going through this phase is a typical healthy relationship definition.
So, it’s futile if you think, “how do I fix an unhealthy relationship?”. Because THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. On the other hand, “ending a bad relationship” is imperative. But how do we assess ourselves that what we are going through is not normal? Our society has normalized so many aspects of patriarchy and feminazism (Yes, that’s a word) that we often feel like what we are going through is just a sign of lack of love in a relationship, and the love might just come back after a cute date, with a beer and some chill music on the long drive. We often get so needy, co-dependent, unable to go around the day without our partner, that our views get a complete 360 degree turn-around, our individuality gets crushed under the things our toxic partner says, that we often forget that we are living in a bubble that will no longer be a sane house, that it’s made of cramped up confessions, mental abuse, physical harassment, and overall, a sense of defeat.
It is imperative to understand the fine line between what is cute and what’s not. We have the responsibility to understand the fact that BAD RELATIONSHIPS GET BETTER, but TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS DON’T. We get so wound up with what the society thinks is right, that we often forget that it solely depends on whether YOU feel it is right.
So, yup, this was my first blog on unhealthy relationships. Over the next few weeks, we are going to delve into the types of unhealthy relationships, the signs which we often overlook, why we do it, and why ending it (the safe way) is important. It has been a pleasure today; it will be the next day as well. Ciao!